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Post by Forch Desole on Oct 25, 2008 13:38:41 GMT -5
Post your "Sex Jokes" here.
_____
Here's one to get it started:
An escaped convict, imprisoned for 1st degree murder, had spent 25 years of his life sentence in prison. While on the run, he broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. He tied the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife on the bed.
He got on the bed right over the woman, and it appeared he was kissing her neck. Suddenly he got up and left the room. As soon as possible the husband made his way across the room to his bride, his chair in tow, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw him kissing on your neck and then he left in a hurry. Just cooperate and do anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Whatever you do don't fight him or make him mad. Our lives depend on it!. Be strong and I love you."
After spitting out the gag in her mouth, the half naked wife says: "Dear, I'm so relieved you feel that way. You're right, he hasn't seen a woman in years, but he wasn't kissing my neck....He was whispering in my ear. He said he thinks you're really cute and asked if we kept the Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong and I love you, too."
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Post by Xx{Midnight}xX on Oct 26, 2008 14:30:41 GMT -5
I wish they had an "OH S***" icon.
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Post by numnum123 on Nov 26, 2008 23:15:15 GMT -5
omfg forch THAT IS FRICKEN' CREEPY
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Post by Joke on Nov 26, 2008 23:30:36 GMT -5
A horny Husband and his wife were setting up a computer password. He typed in MY PENIS and his wife fell down laughing when it said ERROR NOT LONG ENOUGH.......
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Post by numnum123 on Nov 26, 2008 23:30:59 GMT -5
A horny Husband and his wife were setting up a computer password. He typed in MY PENIS and his wife fell down laughing when it said ERROR NOT LONG ENOUGH....... jus for anyone who doesn't know...this was my joke. I got logged out for some reason.
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Post by Xx{Midnight}xX on Nov 28, 2008 2:06:54 GMT -5
Wow neato. Mine was to long sorry mate.
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Post by numnum123 on Nov 28, 2008 14:06:34 GMT -5
Wow neato. Mine was to long sorry mate. lololololol
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Post by Forch Desole on Nov 29, 2008 3:37:42 GMT -5
Mine was too close for comfort.
Sadly, that was my password at one point.
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Post by numnum123 on Nov 29, 2008 17:29:51 GMT -5
Mine was too close for comfort. Sadly, that was my password at one point. lolololol
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Post by Ephraim Desole on Nov 30, 2008 2:36:54 GMT -5
Mine was too close for comfort. Sadly, that was my password at one point. Error: Too long xD
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Post by Forch Desole on Nov 30, 2008 2:58:27 GMT -5
There was a guy riding through the desert on his camel. He had been traveling so long that he felt the need to have sex. Obviously there were no women in the desert so the man turned to his camel. He tried to position himself to have sex with his camel but the camel ran away. The man ran to catch up to the camel and got back on and started to ride again. Soon he was feeling the urge to have sex again so once again he turned to his camel. The camel refused by running away. So he caught up to it again and go on it again. Finally after riding the camel through the whole desert the man came to a road. There was a broken down car with three big chested beautiful blondes sitting in it. He went up to them and asked the women if they needed any help. The hottest girl said ,"If you fix our car we will do anything you want." The man luckily knew a thing or two about cars and fixed it in a flash. When he finished are three girls asked, "How could we ever repay you Mr." After thinking for a short while he replied,"Could you hold my camel?"
Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but it's missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear vaseline over the spot where the seal should be. Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him. "No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don't say a word." She tells him, "Our family had a fight a while ago about doing dishes. We haven't done any since, but the first person to speak at dinner has to do them." Steve sits down for dinner and it is just how she described it. Dishes are piled up to the ceiling in the kitchen, and nobody is saying a word. So Steve decides to have a little fun. He grabs his girlfriend, throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word. A few minutes later he grabs her mom, throws her on the table and does a repeat performance. Now his girlfriend is furious, her dad is boiling, and her mother is a little happier. But still there is complete silence at the table. All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder, and it starts to rain. Steve remembers his motorcycle. He jumps up and grabs his jar of vaseline. Upon witnessing this, his girlfriend's father backs away from the table and screams, "OKAY, ENOUGH ALREADY, I'LL DO THE FUCKING DISHES"
Yeah, I went there.
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Post by Ephraim Desole on Nov 30, 2008 12:26:23 GMT -5
Haha. That just made my day.
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Post by numnum123 on Nov 30, 2008 12:52:17 GMT -5
whoa thats extreme
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Post by Ephraim Desole on Nov 30, 2008 12:58:22 GMT -5
The camel or the vaseline?
xD
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Post by Forch Desole on Nov 30, 2008 13:04:54 GMT -5
I think if he had Vaseline, his job would have been easier.
Maybe both.
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Post by numnum123 on Dec 1, 2008 21:23:49 GMT -5
yes, vaseline
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Post by Forch Desole on Dec 2, 2008 0:48:06 GMT -5
Off topic: Bitches stealing my font. Edit - Take THAT!
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Post by numnum123 on Dec 2, 2008 20:20:20 GMT -5
naw i'm not takin any font or urs forch
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Post by Ephraim Desole on Dec 2, 2008 20:25:02 GMT -5
Actually, I did. Chiller. I like it. EDIT: Nope. No plagiarism now. xD
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Post by numnum123 on Dec 2, 2008 20:27:20 GMT -5
oooooo plagiarism! jk jk jk jk
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Post by Forch Desole on Dec 2, 2008 20:59:04 GMT -5
Fine. I'll stick with my... secret font. YES, SECRET!
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Post by Ephraim Desole on Dec 3, 2008 15:28:45 GMT -5
Fine with me. I like Chiller anyways.
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Post by numnum123 on Dec 14, 2008 11:47:43 GMT -5
Is the secret font...Jokerman???
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Post by Forch Desole on Dec 14, 2008 12:40:12 GMT -5
No. This is Jokerman
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Post by numnum123 on Jan 2, 2009 22:47:26 GMT -5
and this is ROCKWELL
EDIT: i like CASTELLAR
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Post by Ephraim Desole on Jan 2, 2009 23:09:13 GMT -5
I still like Chiller.
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Post by Forch Desole on Jan 2, 2009 23:31:16 GMT -5
Fuck... Guys, is it a problem if I don't see every font the same? How do I fix this? ;_; </3 Vista
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Post by numnum123 on Jan 2, 2009 23:53:01 GMT -5
yes that is a problem. i have no clue how to fix.
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Post by Ephraim Desole on Jan 2, 2009 23:55:25 GMT -5
SS it so I know what you mean?
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Post by Forch Desole on Jan 3, 2009 0:02:39 GMT -5
I can't see the font text for Nuclear nor whatever numnum posted... I also couldn't see my secret font in my sig, so I changed it. Could this be Vista showing it's true colours or is it happening to others?
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